Eastern Conference sides battle to be Major League Soccer's 'least worst'

Watching the MLS Eastern Conference unfold this year, it's tempting to invoke the old line about The Doors being the best worst band ever. There are tight conference races and then there are conference races such as the one in the East this year, which at times looks like a battle of the least worst.
Unfair? Perhaps. A little. But looking at the teams above the red line, and looking at their inconsistent form this year, it would be more surprising if one went on a sustained run to an automatic conference semifinal spot from this point on than if all continued to suffer from seemingly inexplicable slumps in form.

The counter-argument to this is that in a forced parity league, anyone can beat anyone else, and there are generally mitigating circumstances for any poor run. The New York Red Bulls' winning habit was snapped last week, for example, but it was in the context of three games in six days in New York, Salt Lake City and Columbus, and amid the first real test of their squad rotation.
Likewise, Philadelphia's two defeats in their past three MLS games -- along with their sudden habit of conceding a lot of goals -- might be pinned to its ongoing adjustment to the sudden loss of their often-unheralded but vital midfield link man in Vincent Nogueira. Without him, the Union have been experimenting with what their default lineup and shape is going to be from here on out, and perhaps it's inevitable that they've been experiencing something of a Sisyphean challenge: the constant need to score a lot of goals to offset the ones they're regularly conceding.
New York City FC could tell the Union a thing or two about that. After starting the month with another high-scoring home defeat (this one a 3-2 loss to RSL) and an Open Cup exit to the New York Cosmos, NYCFC has actually won its last two -- and got a rare shutout on the road in Seattle last week.

Sebastien Le Toux and the Philadelphia Union started the season brightly but have dropped off since the departure of Vincent Nogueira.

But it's the game before that one that illustrates their struggles this season. You'd have thought David Villa had lost as he pounded the turf, yelling and gesticulating at teammates in the wake of the final whistle in their last home game, against Philadelphia. In fact, New York had won, but had almost thrown away yet another late lead that Villa and his fellow attackers had worked doubly hard to earn. NYCFC often don't win so much as manage not to lose a lead.
It's not to pick on NYCFC, though; and to give credit where it's due, that Seattle win may have been over a slumping Sounders team, but it was in front of a big crowd in a difficult road town and New York deserve every credit for seeing out the shutout. And the fact is, throughout their up-and-down season, home struggles, defensive woes and all the rest of it has been good enough to have the team second in the East. Second.
The Red Bulls lost six of their first seven games. They're in third. It's that kind of year.
And looking at the teams making up the rest of the playoff places, Montreal is fourth. They haven't won in a month, and actually look worse with Didier Drogba in the team. D.C. United are in fifth; they beat New England last week, but it was their first win in a month that also saw them crash out of the U.S. Open Cup at home to NASL team Fort Lauderdale Strikers. They look like a typically spirited Ben Olsen team, but not yet a dominant one.
No matter, though; half the teams in the East are below D.C., including Orlando City, who currently occupy the last playoff spot ahead of Toronto. Those two teams played each other at the weekend, and it was a microcosm of the East this season. The goals that bookended the extraordinarily long stoppage-time first seemed to have snatched Toronto a draw and then handed Orlando a win.
Toronto got a lot of credit for their solid road trip to start the season and the expectation was that once they got back to their newly expanded stadium, with their new and improved depth in every position, the points would start to pile up exponentially. But a team disproportionately reliant on Sebastian Giovinco has struggled. Injuries to Jozy Altidore and Michael Bradley's international absences haven't helped, but Toronto were supposed to take the next step forward this year, and so far at least, the best you could say of them is that they're treading water. The only consolation for them is that you can say that for much of the least worst of the East, too.
Graham Parker writes for ESPN FC, Grantland, The Guardian US and Howler. He covers MLS and the U.S. national teams. Follow him on Twitter @KidWeil.